I Run for Cake

So, I decided early-on that I didn't want to write unless I had some motivation and encouragement for you fine people, OR I had something new to say about my journey.  I wasn't going to fill your blogger feeds with daily posts about what my scale told me this morning or pictures of each and every dish I decided to cook-up.  Lord knows there is already enough of that out there! (Sorry foodie's!)  As you can see, it's taken me all day to conjure up something interesting to write about, but I finally have it.  Are you ready?. . . . . . . . . . .

Diets Suck.

I know.  Riveting, eh?  But for real, doggs.  Diets are the pits.

I've tried almost every single one out there.  I've made progress, only to relapse, get depressed, and gain more weight.  It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya.  Let me count thy ways:

Trim-Spa/Hydroxicut/The Like:

This stuff gave me some pretty intense jitters. I could tell they sped up my metabolism, but they also made my heart palpitate and my palms sweat and deliriously dizzy at times. I remember one day, walking from the pool to my apartment and literally almost passing out on my porch.  The side effects of the appetite suppressant coincided with my forgetfulness and I would go all day without eating.  I lost some weight in the process, but I also think I may have done some damage to my heart.

Body For Life:

Let me just say, I think this is a fabulous concept. I had a youth minister who did this and got in some serious shape!  It even worked for me and the hubs for a time before kids.  But to this day, the thought of eating grilled chicken breast makes me almost want to throw up in my mouth a little. That was pretty much the only protein on the menu for me (as I don't eat fish). Weeks upon weeks of getting up and working out and eating nothing but grilled chicken breast and green beans left me 10 lbs lighter, but with a terrible taste in my mouth for the "staple" foods. After we quit, the cravings for all the carbs that I had been fasting from was more than I could take and the weight came right back. God bless mashed potatoes.

South Beach Diet: 

Did I mention I love mashed potatoes?  Enough said.  This one lasted about two seconds.

HCG Diet:

Okay, I had a difficult time with this one too. For one, let's take Michelle's potatoes away again. No, you do NOT get a cheat day. And you have to remember to take these liquid hormones three times a day. I definitely saw results. We're talking a pound or two a day would come off.  For weeks straight!  The very first week, I lost 11 lbs!  The second week 6! But then I cheated, and instead of getting right back in the saddle, it was a downhill spiral. Within three weeks, I had put all the weight back on, plus some. Super duper.

Rx Diet Pills/Phentermine:

I'm sad to say, if I still had some of these little nuggets of happiness, I would be taking them in a heart beat.  Unfortunately, my doctor says, "No no!  You too skinny now!"  (Yes, he's Asian and has the most adorable accent. But no compassion for my lack of personal drive.) This is basically legal "speed".  It is an amphetamine and it gets the job done quick.  The fabulous part is, you don't have to help it work at all.  I was still chowing on Happy Meals with my boys and not stepping foot in the gym and I went from 172-138 lbs in 4 months. Can I get a Hallelujah!? However, these little gems are habit forming and once you wean yourself away from their miracle, you are left with a very tired metabolism that now doesn't know how to function without the help of said super-pill.  I've gone from 138 back up to the 160 that I am at today.

The moral of the story here? I promise I have one.  Nothing works but hard work.  In the kitchen and out of the kitchen.  Though it's tempting to return to the safety of one of my "lose it quick" schemes for weight loss, I know from past experience that it's not going to work. I have to muster up enough self-control and motivation inside myself to take each and every day, just one day at a time. I'm going to have to wake up every morning and tell myself, "Today, I choose to make healthy choices for myself". And boy is it annoying.  And boy, is it tedious.  And boy, does it suck balls most days. But when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I was down 3 lbs from when I started this three weeks ago, I was a lot prouder of myself than the times before.  Because I know the 3 lbs came from running my booty off and changing my perspective one meal at a time. I still splurge.  If you've seen my facebook page, you are all well-aware that I love me some chocolate! And I have a tendency to indulge myself a little more than I should. But the weight will come off eventually as I'm continuously training myself to choose more wisely.

Why do I tell you all this? Because sometimes you just need to hear it one more time.

Nothing works like hard work.


Keep up the hard work, friends!  And thanks for spurring me on in my journey as well.  It means more to me than, well. . . . .cake. And everyone needs a little bit of that! :)

A Bachelor Party and Suffering from a Plank-Over

So I wasn't doing so hot last week

But I took a turn for the better on Monday night!

To date I had only planked 8 minutes of my 180 minutes of the month.

At first I was going to skip my exercise all together

and hunker down to indulge myself in some ridiculous drama

of one girl's attempt to find love on a game show. 

The Bachelorette. 

Oh, Emily. 

I can tell you one thing she might do. . .

Not waste her time watching reality t.v.

Surely she doesn't have a perfect body because her and adorable Ricki

sit on the couch all day eating Cheeto-Puffs. 

Really.

Could this chick be any more physically perfect?!

So I decide that if I was going to be a complete "Girl"

about my affection for scripted drama and date nights,

I would also challenge myself to a little "plank challenge". 

Planking through all the commercials proved to be the perfect way to watch!!

I didn't realize how many dang commercial breaks there were! 

Sheesh!

So let's recap the evenings festivities. . .

Emily went on a date with Mr. Incredible (Sean).

His muscles are fabulous. I must say.

And I'm pretty sure that his hair NEVER moves.

Kissing in front of Buckingham palace was silly though.

Come on Em, you know that's not really where

 Will and Kate had their first kiss. . .

It was probably in the wine cellar where the Queen's video 

surveillance wouldn't catch the drunken moment. 

Regardless, a good date.

And then three minutes of hellish planking.

Next, Miss Perfect had a group date.  

These are always fun to watch.

This one, more so!

Shakespeare in the park with all her boys in tights!

Some, like adorable race car boy, Arie

totally got the shaft in this activity.

I'm sure this had nothing to do with ratings.

Let's put the guy that Em adores most in a dress and pigtails.

Hilarious.

And then we have Ryan, (who wore a scarf, by the way)

to have the first public kiss.

Ya gotta give the boy props.  He worked it on the kiss!

But is anyone else tired of his chauvinistic remarks?

And then more planking. 2 more minutos to add to the total.

And now the drama unfolds as our villain is revealed.

Kalon the Jerk.

As if coming into the show in a private plane didn't already seal his fate

with the rest of the guys in the house.

He has to go and call Emily's daughter "baggage". 

Slick move, Romeo.

We get to see Emily's temper flare.

Which is nothing compared to most of ours.

Again, she's perfect, I tell you.

She kicks Kalon the Terrible out

and goes home to pout because none of the other guys

kicked his butt for her. 

Was she wanting to see an old-fashioned fist fight? 

I don't get it.

And then more planking. 3 long minutes of it.

The last date is with Jef-with-only-one-f. 

Come on now, Emily.

He's a cute little guy, but he's not "daddy" material.

And his hair is prettier than yours.

They see London from the top of the Eye.

Who wouldn't love that date?

I get the feeling that Emily was bored, though.

They had their first kiss

(at this point though, she's had so many, 

how can she keep track of the magical ones?).

End scene.

3 more grueling minutes of planking later. . .

We experience the infamous cocktail party.

All the boys are looking yummy

(except for John, in the RED pants!)

Ryan takes this time to recreate more Shakespeare,

Sean creates another perfect kissing moment alone,

and she gets her recommended dose of Arie.

But she's still upset at the lack of brutality

on her behalf when it came to Kalon the Nasty.

Get over it honey. 

We're not in high school anymore.

Break for 3 more minutes of planking.

The "most dramatic rose ceremony yet" again.

Aren't they all though.

Mr. Alejandro Bonito goes home.

No bueno.

And she waits til the last millisecond to choose Arie.

Rudeness. (and ratings)

Cause we all know she will end up with this one.

In the end, it has to be the race car driver.

Roll credits.

Final 3 minutes of planking and I call it a night.

SEVENTEEN minutes clocked 

and my favorite show erased off the DVR.

Very productive evening. 

And now, two days later, 

My abs are suffering from a major "plank-over".

Ouch.

Feels so good.

Happy Hump Day, peeps!

I'm on a Plank-A-Thon, and I Hate It's Guts!

The PLANK. . .

Killing myself slowly in my own home.

It sounded like an Okay idea at the time.

That was before I did one.

Now I'm re-evaluating all my previous life decisions.

As will you, if you join my June Plank-A-Thon.

I'm on a mission (heaven, help me!)

To plank an accumulated 3 hours over the course of one month.

I'm only 5 minutos into this mess as of today.

Someone pointed out the fact that I have to plank for 6 minutes a day 

to reach the total 180 minutes for the month.

Thank you, whoever did the math for me.

180 MINUTES?!?!!!

Sounds like a butt-load more time than 3 hours!

Breathe. . . .

But this is why I blog about my woes, isn't it?

So that I can whine and gripe and all of you glorious people

get to tell me to keep going and not quit

and stop acting like a big, fat loser lady!  

So here's your chance! 

But before I open up the phone lines, 

maybe I should explain a bit about what I'm doing with this madness.

A lot of people (my hubby included)

wondered "what the heck is a plank"?

(And yes, I googled this business to give you the actual definition.)

The plank exercise ranked number 10 in the ACE study and is a great way to build endurance in both the abs and back, as well as the stabilizer muscles. This move is also great for building strength for push-ups, an exercise that requires quite a bit of core strength.

How to:

1. Lie face down on mat resting on the forearms, palms flat on the floor.
2. Push off the floor, raising up onto toes and resting on the elbows.
3. Keep your back flat, in a straight line from head to heels.
4. Tilt your pelvis and contract your abdominals to prevent your rear end from sticking up in the air or sagging in the middle.
5. Hold for 20 to 60 seconds, lower and repeat for 3-5 reps.

So there are a lot of variations of the "Plank" and I plan to try them all.

Goodness knows, I'm going to have to switch this up!

So here are photos of me attempting each and every style of planking.

Laugh if you want to, but only if you promise you'll try them too!

Basic Plank 

Aside from the fact that I look like I have a kangaroo pouch,

this is my favorite plank pose. 

It's the easiest for me.  

Just get in push-up position and hold it for 30 seconds.

I'm trying to go longer than that, 

but honestly, once I get to a minute

my body starts shaking uncontrollably.

And nobody wants that.

This is the most basic of poses and I recommend it for starting out.

Reverse Plank

This is the basic plank in reverse. 

I'm finding it mainly strengthens the backs of my arms 

and my back muscles. 

And after a good run, it's hard on my legs

as you place most of your balance on your heels and shoulders.

Stability Plank

This rendition of the plank works with your couch or a stability ball.

Place your shins on top of either one 

and balance your weight on your hands.

I'm trying to actually do a combo of push-ups with this method.

I say "try" because realistically I have NO upper-body strength. 

But it's building those arm muscles as well as my core.

Side Plank

This is the hardest plank variation for me.

Can't you tell by my intense facial expression?

I look like I'm having a complete blast! Ha!

Just balance your weight on your forearm and the side of the leg.

Some mix this pose and add leg lifts.

I will NOT be attempting this. . .

It was hard enough holding this pose for the 3 seconds it took

to take one measley photo before I toppled over. 

Dolphin Plank

This one wasn't the most fun either.

Place your forearms on the floor and balance your weight on your toes.

And hold for your designated time. 

Don't ask me why they relate this pose to a serene, delicate mammal.

I felt a bit like I had been captured and was being tortured for 30 seconds.

It was excruciatingly hard for me. 

I may stick to the basic plank until my "Core" feels better.

So what do you say?! 

 Suffer though the June Plank-A-Thon with me??

I Pooped

oops, I meant I am pooped.

Huge difference, I realize.

(I will be more careful next time.) 

When I say that mustering up the will to get out of bed

today was difficult. . .that would be an understatement.

My alarm went off.

I growled and hit snooze.

And I thought that would be it.

I didn't realize that my mind would wake me back up

at 7:30 reminding me that I have a host of new friends

who would be disappointed if I quit so soon in my journey.

And for what. . .more sleep?!

I am such a slacker.

So up I trudged.

But NOT because I was excited about my run this morning.

Out of pure obligation.

Don't worry, I promise I won't take it out on all of you.

My attitude was put in check as I headed out the door.

It was like God knew I needed an extra boost.

The air was chilly and wind was plentiful this morning.

There was a light mist in the air as I started down the street,

and just when I was getting good and hot, 

a few tiny sprinkles would fall on my head.

It's the little blessings in life.

But really. . .

When is this added gumption and energy supposed to kick in?

I thought you exercise to gain more energy for the day.

I'm pooped, friends!

Severely exhausted all. the. time.

I'm drowning myself in water, running 3 days a week,

(my thighs STILL look flabby, dangit!) 

and I'm not seeing the results.

Ok, couch potato. . .It's only your second week. . .

But for reals. 

I'm trying really hard to not be over it.

I know this will have a huge pay-off in the end.

(I know I'll be "runner-skinny" eventually.)

And I know that I'll be proud of myself at the finish line.

But today. . .

Today I am exhausted.

But I did it.  

So I'm also content.

What have been your biggest struggles on your 

fitness journey? 

How did you push through?

Plank This!

No, No, No.

In case you're wondering if I'm going to be posting every flipping day. . .
the answer is No.

I blame this overzealous gesture a result of a  brand-new obsession because I'm still a bit giddy about this new goal in my life. I'm sure the excitement of this new relationship that I have with running/health will wear off any day now and what you will be left with is the regularly scheduled 3x a week posts that I originally had planned.

So have no fear. You are in no way obligated to read this little ditty.  It's just a bonus. :)

We were just playing in the backyard this afternoon in our birthday suits and decided to work a little "planking" in.

(Let me clarify that horrible visual picture I just painted!. . .I have two toddlers. THEY were the ones hanging out in the buff in our backyard wading pool---because hey. . .
who doesn't love a quick skinny dip?!  I, however, was fully clothed, watering the yard, when I felt the urge to not let my "day of rest" from running slip by without getting a slight work-out in.)

So we "planked". . . . .All over the backyard.

The boys decided to take a break from the swamp water they had created and join me on this little work-out binge. I truly wish that I had someone snapping pictures of this from the sidelines. I can only imagine how funny it would have looked to the neighbors were they to peep a grown woman in this position:

with two little men on either side of me with their bare booties stuck up in the air!  It had to look ridiculous!

And then. . . . I'm glad that there are no pictures, because that could be considered "child porn" and I don't want my new exercise regime to get me thrown in the slammer.  So do me a favor and forget that I told you about this whole ordeal.

You can just picture me planking in my backyard, congratulate me for taking every opportunity today to promote good health, and maybe work in a few planks yourself somewhere.

Even if you're at work or out in public.  Go ahead and plank in the breakroom or at the shopping mall. Send me your "planking" photos. No matter what you have going on today, Plank On, dudes.