Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A Bachelor Party and Suffering from a Plank-Over

So I wasn't doing so hot last week
But I took a turn for the better on Monday night!
To date I had only planked 8 minutes of my 180 minutes of the month.
At first I was going to skip my exercise all together
and hunker down to indulge myself in some ridiculous drama
of one girl's attempt to find love on a game show. 
The Bachelorette. 
Oh, Emily. 
I can tell you one thing she might do. . .
Not waste her time watching reality t.v.
Surely she doesn't have a perfect body because her and adorable Ricki
sit on the couch all day eating Cheeto-Puffs. 
Could this chick be any more physically perfect?!
So I decide that if I was going to be a complete "Girl"
about my affection for scripted drama and date nights,
I would also challenge myself to a little "plank challenge". 
Planking through all the commercials proved to be the perfect way to watch!!
I didn't realize how many dang commercial breaks there were! 
So let's recap the evenings festivities. . .
Emily went on a date with Mr. Incredible (Sean).
His muscles are fabulous. I must say.
And I'm pretty sure that his hair NEVER moves.
Kissing in front of Buckingham palace was silly though.
Come on Em, you know that's not really where
 Will and Kate had their first kiss. . .
It was probably in the wine cellar where the Queen's video 
surveillance wouldn't catch the drunken moment. 
Regardless, a good date.

And then three minutes of hellish planking.

Next, Miss Perfect had a group date.  
These are always fun to watch.
This one, more so!

Shakespeare in the park with all her boys in tights!
Some, like adorable race car boy, Arie
totally got the shaft in this activity.
I'm sure this had nothing to do with ratings.
Let's put the guy that Em adores most in a dress and pigtails.
And then we have Ryan, (who wore a scarf, by the way)
to have the first public kiss.
Ya gotta give the boy props.  He worked it on the kiss!
But is anyone else tired of his chauvinistic remarks?

And then more planking. 2 more minutos to add to the total.

And now the drama unfolds as our villain is revealed.
Kalon the Jerk.
As if coming into the show in a private plane didn't already seal his fate
with the rest of the guys in the house.
He has to go and call Emily's daughter "baggage". 
Slick move, Romeo.
We get to see Emily's temper flare.
Which is nothing compared to most of ours.
Again, she's perfect, I tell you.
She kicks Kalon the Terrible out
and goes home to pout because none of the other guys
kicked his butt for her. 
Was she wanting to see an old-fashioned fist fight? 
I don't get it.

And then more planking. 3 long minutes of it.

The last date is with Jef-with-only-one-f
Come on now, Emily.
He's a cute little guy, but he's not "daddy" material.
And his hair is prettier than yours.
They see London from the top of the Eye.
Who wouldn't love that date?
I get the feeling that Emily was bored, though.
They had their first kiss
(at this point though, she's had so many, 
how can she keep track of the magical ones?).
End scene.

3 more grueling minutes of planking later. . .

We experience the infamous cocktail party.
All the boys are looking yummy
(except for John, in the RED pants!)
Ryan takes this time to recreate more Shakespeare,
Sean creates another perfect kissing moment alone,
and she gets her recommended dose of Arie.
But she's still upset at the lack of brutality
on her behalf when it came to Kalon the Nasty.
Get over it honey. 
We're not in high school anymore.

Break for 3 more minutes of planking.

The "most dramatic rose ceremony yet" again.
Aren't they all though.
Mr. Alejandro Bonito goes home.
No bueno.
And she waits til the last millisecond to choose Arie.
Rudeness. (and ratings)
Cause we all know she will end up with this one.

In the end, it has to be the race car driver.
Roll credits.

Final 3 minutes of planking and I call it a night.
SEVENTEEN minutes clocked 
and my favorite show erased off the DVR.
Very productive evening. 

And now, two days later, 
My abs are suffering from a major "plank-over".
Feels so good.

Happy Hump Day, peeps!

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